I had a transformational call with my coach this week.

As I sat down to write a few takeaways for myself, I realized I may not be the only person who needs to hear this right now.

So, I'm sharing it with you, too.

The Problem

 

I mentioned to my coach that I found myself feeling guilty about my downtime.

For example, during a recent 3-day stay-cation with my wife for our 10-year anniversary, I felt compelled to check in on work and be "doing" things, even though there wasn't anything pressing.

The same thing happened when I cut out early for an extended daytime lunch.

No one was waiting on me, but I felt like I should be "doing" something.

 

Here's the kicker: I left corporate 5 years ago to have more control over my time and income.

 

And by most standards, I've gotten exactly what I wanted: a multi-six-figure paycheck and few obligations on my calendar that I didn't ask for.

 

So why did I feel guilty for spending the time I managed to create for myself?

 

The Realization

After a good discussion with my coach I realized I have a tendency to fall into a “productivity trap.”

 

The trap of seeing more ways to be productive and believing that if I just get those things done, I'll be content on the other side.

 

Then, I do the ‘things,’ but instead of feeling content, just see another opportunity to do even more.

 

It’s the same mindset and experience I’ve had building online.

 

Starting out, I needed $10k in sales per month to make this lifestyle viable. Then $20k, $30k, $40k, and so on.

 

Last quarter I averaged almost $70k per month in sales. And I’m charging just as hard as I was when I was trying to satisfy the initial $10k per month goal.

 

I moved to a foreign country and started a new career to get control of my time and income, but when I got it, felt awkward using it.

 

Which begs the question: If I can’t duck out for a few days or take an extended lunch with my wife and truly be present and enjoy it, what’s going on?

 

The Takeaways

 

I have 4 real takeaways from diving deep into all of this.

 

1. Most of 'this' is internal, not external:

 

When cash is tight or a board of directors is in panic mode, the compulsion to stay busy feels reasonable because the problems are “real.”

 

But when I built a business that no longer had any legitimate fires to put out, I didn't suddenly have the ability to step away, be present, and just enjoy that time as I thought I would.

 

To the contrary, I started creating fires with increasingly aggressive timelines, goals, and launches. And there were no boards, investors, managers, or employees to blame.

 

If that’s the kind of business I want, fine.

 

But it’s not.

 

That makes this a me problem.

 

2. I'm not going to change it over the weekend:

 

Recognizing that most of 'this' is internal is great news to me because it means I can change it.

 

But who I am today is the result of beliefs, values, and actions that have taken 43 years to evolve.

 

Changing any significant part of that will be a process, not an event.

 

Note to self: Be patient.

 

3. This is a good time to clarify my personal values:

 

I have many values, and some may compete with others from time to time.

 

For example, I love the work I do, helping people & businesses, and making money.

 

But I also love disconnecting, traveling with family, and day dates with my wife.

 

When those things collide, which takes precedence? How do I decide?

 

Clarifying my values and which are non-negotiable is a great way to be proactive about handling situations where values may conflict.

 

4. Slowing down isn't about doing less, but doing better:

 

As Cal Newport reminds us in his book, Slow Productivity, slowing down doesn't even have to mean less productivity.

 

It can mean better, higher-quality output.

 

I'm coaching fewer people, but better.

 

I'm consulting for fewer businesses, but better.

 

I'm doing less, but better.